Alfred Kinsey, the famous sex researcher says, “the only universal in human sexuality is variability itself.”  As varied as sex can be, equally varied are the ways it can go awry between two people. Sex. Such an important part of every relationship, yet so hard to talk about. Many things keep us from speaking freely about sex: fear of hurting someone’s feelings, shame, doubt, inhibition, anger. As a society, we alternate between slut-shaming and promoting sex with every ad. And then each of us has his or her own individual sexual legacy shaped by our family’s attitudes toward sex and our own experiences, feelings, and thoughts.

Feelings about other aspects of the coupling are often played out in the sexual arena. A person who feels his or her partner is not attending to emotional needs, not carrying half the burden of chores, or not addressing conflicts may find it difficult to forget all that when joining physically. Differences in libido, feelings about sexual practices, and deep feelings about ourselves can all conspire to upset the sexual balance between two people. Having children always disrupts the sexual equilibrium, and some couples struggle unsuccessfully for years to reestablish it.

We know touch and talk are the two great roads to intimacy. In pair bonding, we seek deep connection above all else — the connection that buffers the harshness of the outside world, the connection that reassures us we are not alone on life’s journey, the connection that softens us into the embrace with our partner. The importance of attending to the health of the sexual connection cannot be overstated.

As experienced sex therapists, we will create a space in which you will feel invited to express yourself fully. We are all vulnerable in the sexual arena, and feelings of self consciousness, inadequacy, or self doubt often muzzle us. Let us help you find the courage to speak your truth, to share with your partner the whys and wherefores of both of your behaviours, so that armed with mutual understanding, together you can chart a path back to each other.