So you’re getting married! You have found a person you want to make a long-term commitment to, and you both have a vision of what your lives together will be like. Maybe you are knee deep in wedding planning, where the most important questions appear to be colour schemes, and what flowers to put in the boutonnières.
Let’s get real. You are about to embark on one of the hardest challenges humans electively enter. A good marriage is a triumph of effort and skill, the result of gut-wrenching risk taking and dogged persistence. A good marriage is a function of your capacity to get out of yourself and hear your partner without reacting, even when he or she is expressing something that is difficult for you. A good marriage comes from a daily practice of tolerance, generosity, letting go, and a constant outpouring of love. Sound hard? You bet it is!
We highly recommend that you come in and talk deeply about such crucial topics as:
- How to fight effectively
- Values and belief systems for yourselves and for your children
- Life goals
- Division of labour
- Living wills and regular wills. Who would you name as guardian for children?
- Sex and affection
- Parenting styles
- Monogamy (or not)
- How you receive and express love
- How you want to spend time together
- Divorce (this is a big one): Under what circumstances would you divorce each other?
Every single marriage has challenges and problems — guaranteed! We tell you with certainty that your partner will not meet all of your social, financial, sexual, intellectual, and emotional needs for the rest of your life. Period. Pre-marital counselling can help you identify where the areas of difficult are likely to be in your marriage, so you can be pro-active in addressing these issues. If you have discussed every difficult topic we can think of in counselling, it makes it easier to bring issues up when you are alone together. It is amazing how hard it can be to raise sensitive topics with the person with whom we are most intimate. We are often so fearful of disappointing or being judged by our partner, that we stay silent, and the pressure and unhappiness mounts until whatever it is grows and magnifies.
Finally, attending pre-marital counselling can set a norm for your marriage that if there are difficulties you cannot resolve, you will seek assistance quickly. Most marriages founder for seven (7!) years, before the parties seek help. Do everyone a favour and get here quickly! Then we will have a chance at helping you set and maintain a healthy pathway going forward!